


[What If] I Was Without You

by prompto



Category: Persona 4
Genre: M/M, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, TW: Suicide, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-13
Updated: 2013-10-13
Packaged: 2017-12-29 08:24:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1003182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prompto/pseuds/prompto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Souji has a nightmare on the 'what if' scenario of Yosuke dying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	[What If] I Was Without You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [littlemissoyashirou](https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemissoyashirou/gifts).



> So I kinda just had some weird craving to write something different. This is pretty...angsty. I normally don't write things depressing like this. There is a trigger warning for suicide which I will also tag.
> 
> This is set in the Puer timeline between myself and my roleplay partner that we have going for my Souji and her Yosuke.
> 
> I wish it was better. I sort of just threw this down as soon as I got home.
> 
> I don't write angst very often, so forgive me if it's completely horrid.

_How was he supposed to react?_

**Everyone was staring at him.**

**The news delivered.**

_What was he supposed to say?_

**The day darkened.**

**The world suddenly collapsing around him.**

_Emptiness._

Standing there alone, he could hear the voices, the questions, the begging for an answer-

**_Are you okay?_ **

What sort of answer was to be expected when he had lost the one that had given his life full meaning? He’d devoted his entire being to him. And now…

In just a day’s time, they no longer were taking breaths. They were no longer seeing the world, no longer staring back at him. He’d never catch a glimpse of his smile again or hear his life. Never be able to tell him those special words of how much he loved him, how much he craved and wanted him to be around all the time, never again.

**There was nothing he could say.**

All he could do was stay silent. The mask of his slipping, crashing to the floor. The thousands of pieces of himself that had become shaded with every aspect of him disappeared just as quickly. Who was he without him?

The desperation of unknowing, the need to know why, of what to do now, it fueled him, the pain so dire he feared for his body to move on its own that it may grab the katana he had hid so carefully and use it to end his own life.

What would it matter if he died too? He already didn’t see a future without him.

A sudden movement, running up the stairs to his room, he slammed the door to lock himself away in the confines of that room that held far too many memories of  _him_. It was suffocating. All he could manage to do was walk over to the dresser, withdrawing the hidden katana nearby. The sheath was pulled away and dropped to the ground.

No hesitation was spared as he ran the blade through his chest, directly where his heart laid, the constant beating of it nothing but suffering to him. Even then the tears fell, the ones held back ever since he’d heard the news, the pain being numbed as he pushed the blade further.

_And yet…_

Souji sat upright in bed, body tangled in sheets and heated from the after effects of his nightmare. His hands were practically trembling as he glanced at empty space beside of him and then to the time. He shouldn’t have been this late to return home.

What if something really did happen?

Would he really go that far as to…

Ridding himself of the though, he started to untangle himself from the sheets, rising out of bed and setting himself on going to find Yosuke. The nightmare had left him feeling too uneasy, his thoughts too messed up, if he didn’t see him and touch him and know he was okay he was liable to losing his mind.

Just as he had tugged on his jeans, he heard the doorknob jostling, the door opening shortly after that.

The sight of brown eyes staring over at him, that smile slowly tugging across those lips made him instantly run over to throw his arms around him. He couldn’t even give the other time to speak for he had claimed his lips in a harsh kiss, all the raw emotion he felt being forced into how their lips touched.

And still Yosuke managed to laugh in the kiss, withdrawing back somewhat as his hands had slid around Souji’s waist to keep him close. “Woah, you’re kissing me like you’re never gonna see me again.”

And yet all Yosuke had to do was look at silver eyes to know that’s what it was.

“Did something happen?”

“I can’t let you do this anymore.” Souji said slowly, trying to keep his voice steady.

“Do what?”

“I can’t stay here alone. I can’t stay here waiting, always wondering if you’re going to come home or not…I can’t imagine if you died.” Souji almost did get choked on his words then, but he managed to keep his stoic expression despite his hands trembling again some.

Yosuke tightened his grip. “I wouldn’t leave you like that.”

“I know you wouldn’t on purpose or anything, but you just never know.” Souji shook his head. “I want to fight with you. You know it’s not in me to just sit around doing nothing.”

Yosuke bit the inside of his cheek as he then sighed lowly. He didn’t necessarily like the idea of putting Souji in more danger than the TV world had already offered before, but he did see his point. “All right. I’ll figure something out. I just...couldn’t imagine you getting hurt or…worse because of you coming along with me.”

“Remember what we said before?”

Yosuke thought on it for a few moments before smiling at him. “I’ve got your back.”

“Yeah. I can handle myself. I was your leader remember.” Souji felt a bit calmer now, especially at seeing Yosuke smile again.

“Well, now you’re just my fiancé but still..” Yosuke leaned in to kiss him again before mumbling over his lips. “Long as you call me ‘partner’ a lot in that tone of voice I like then I’ll let you come along.”

Souji smiled back while rising to the challenge easily, his voice lowering to an almost seductive whisper. “I’m sure I can manage that,  _partner_.”

That was always one thing he loved about being with Yosuke, they could turn a discussion on a topic so serious and almost heartbreaking into downright dirty.

_~ fin._


End file.
